Soundtrack Of Our Lives
by SveaR
Summary: We all have a soundtrack, a special song that reminds us of a special time in life. Collection of one-shots based on songs. A/N: The first twelve chapters have been completely edited, all following chapters are new ones. Characters: Abby and Connor Song: Comatose (Skillet) This is finally the last chapter of my threesome.
1. Help me find my way

**A/N: I decided that my Soundtrack One-Shots are in need to be edited. I wasn't able to edit all of them yet, but I will as the weeks pass. Some of the chapters will be completely re-written, while some others will only have a little make over. But I will keep all the songs and the main idea of the stories.  
**

**And now here we go, first chapter edited.  
**

**Help me find my way**

Matt woke up to the sound of footsteps pattering through his flat. He heard the balcony door open and a second later he felt the warm breeze on his arms. Quietly he got up from his sofa, which had functioned as his bed since Emily had returned to the present. He had gladly vacated his bedroom for her.

Matt watched the Victorian lady through the window for a few minutes; he knew that she needed time. After all, it had been only three days since she came face-to-face with Matt in her own time, that she found out her husband planned to send her to a madhouse, and that the man in question followed Matt and herself through an anomaly where he had held Matt at gunpoint but was killed by a raptor only moments later.

And after years of traveling through anomalies, different times, she had decided to stay in a time that wasn't her own. Of course it had been her decision, but that didn't mean it was an easy transition. Matt knew that too well himself.

_I don't understand who I really am.  
I can't keep going on round and round again.  
I've traveled so far without looking back but something's missing, somethings just not right. _

Eventually Matt followed her outside. It was a warm night and a breath of air tickled his bare arms. The sky was clear and the full moon bathed the world in a soft light. Without a word, he laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it comfortably. Emily turned her head just enough to meet his eyes, she smiled at him briefly before she averted her gaze again. Matt couldn't take his eyes from the woman beside him. He was too caught up in her beauty.

"My parents used to organize a lot of dances," Emily disturbed the silence. "I loved those events and attended them all." Her voice broke slightly as she went on, "At least until I married Henry."

Silence settled over them. Emily hadn't turned her eyes from the spot she looked at and Matt followed her gaze. He then understood what caused Emily to approach the subject.

In a flat in the apartment block across the street, was a party going on. Everyone was moving to music that Emily and Matt couldn't hear. Matt looked back at Emily and saw a tear leaving the corner of her eyes. He gently wiped it away with his hand.

"Does it take long to build a life in a different time then your own?" Emily asked quietly, finally looking at Matt.

_Where do I go, where do I stand, I feel like a lost child with no hand.  
I am so unsure, so far from secure, I need you to help me find, help me find my way.  
Your slow, things take time, that's what they always say.  
Sometimes, it gets way to rough, you just wanna hide away. _

_For all the times I break down and cry, something's missing, something's just not right._

Where do I go, where do I stand, I feel like a lost child with no hand.  
I am so unsure, I'm far from secure, I need you to help me find, help me find my way.

"Yes, it does take some time. To say it's easy would be a lie." Matt answered honestly.

Emily took a deep breath, "That's what I thought." She paused a moment and then continued, "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm here, but it's a little scary. I feel lost." Her voice was barely audible and Matt knew that she didn't expect an answer.

When Matt was about to retract, a window was opened in the flat the party was held and music reached his ears. With a smile on his lips, he grabbed Emily by the hand and pulled her towards him. He gently started to sway Emily to the beat.

_Help me find my way  
Gonna stay strong, yeah gonna move on, with my life, that's what I'm gonna do._

Where do I go, where do I stand, I feel like a lost child with no hand.  
I am so unsure, so far from secure, I need you to help me find, help me find my way..

"Emily, you are not alone. You have the team behind you. And all of us will help you to find your place here." Matt whispered into her ear.

The woman from the past bent back a little to meet Matt's eyes. "Thank you."


	2. Let me sleep

**Let me sleep**

Connor dropped onto his bed and closed his eyes. He heard Abby roaming in the kitchen. She had offered him a cup of tea a few minutes ago, but he had declined. Sleep was more appealing.

Connor wanted to forget about the happenings of the day. But it wasn't the fact that the team suddenly had to deal with creatures from the future and that one predator had attacked him, it was the image of Abby throwing herself at Stephen and the tips on flirting that Abby had given him in the morning that Connor couldn't forget about.

He had tried to tell Abby about the feelings he had for her, but she either hadn't understood his wording, or had failed to hear it on purpose. She had said they were pals and when she had thrown herself at Stephen after the attack of the future predator, her actions had only emphasized her words.

Connor knew that Abby's crush on Stephen had died down rapidly when she found out about Allison, but seeing her hugging Stephen had hurt him. Silently he had wanted to be the one to receive a hug from her.

The computer geek pulled the pillow over his head with a profound sigh and, after a while of tossing and turning, of trying to conger up a way to get Abby's full attention, Connor eventually fell asleep.

He dreamt, and of course he dreamt of Abby.

Connor found himself in a computer game and Abby was the princess who needed to be liberated.

With Stephen as his rival he fought his way through the castle where Abby had been held captive.

Of course, Stephen, who was more in shape than Connor, made it to Abby's cell first.

But Stephen was not able to unlock the door.

A spell kept him from opening it: a spell which wanted to be solved first.

'Only true hearts will find their way in!' was written on the door.

When Connor arrived, Stephen was going crazy. "Only true hearts find their way in! True hearts, as if anyone has a true heart these days," Stephen was close to losing his temper.

Without paying attention to Stephen, Connor turned to the little lookout. He needed to think how could he prove that he had a true heart.

His gaze wandered up to the darkened sky and when he spotted a cloud that could easily pass as a silhouette of Abby, Connor whispered, "Trust me Abby, I will find a way to save you! I won't leave you alone."

_Shadows on the wall  
Forming outlines of your face  
I reach out to touch you  
Through time and through space_

In my dreams I'm always with you

So let me sleep  
In my dreams I'm with you  
I'll always be with you 

The moment Connor ended the sentence, Stephen kicked against the door and it burst open.

"I did it, I did it!" Stephen screamed while running into the room to get Abby, who was delighted to be rescued. She passed Stephen and made her way to Connor. She held out her hand to him and when he grabbed it, she pulled him to his feet. "Thanks for saving me!" Abby pulled him into a hug, leaving Stephen speechless for a split second.

"But Abby, it was me who kicked the door open!" He couldn't understand why Abby didn't treat him like the winner.

Abby turned around to face Stephen, "Stephen, it's not about what you do, but what you really mean. The door didn't open because you kicked it; it opened because of what Connor said!"

With that said, she took Connor's hand leading him out of the castle. When they had exited, the full moon was up and shining down on them. Abby stopped and pulled Connor closer to her. She placed her arms around him and moved closer to him.

Just when they were inches apart, Connor's dream was interrupted.

"Connor, Connor! Wake up Connor!"

Abby stood beside Connor's bed and started to shake him awake.

"Con, Cutter called, there is an anomaly alert. We have to get going."

Connor turned around, pulling the duvet closer around him.

"Abs, just five more minutes," he muttered sleepily.

_Let me sleep for a while let me dream of your smile  
In my dreams I'm with you  
Let me sleep for a while let me dream of your smile  
I'll always be with you_

"Connor," Abby changed her tone and volume, her voice was barely audible, but her words had the desired result. "Get up right now, or I will get a bucket full of ice water!"

Connor shot up and was fully awake. He looked straight into Abby's sparkling eyes.

"You can dream later!" she said while pulling the blanket away from him, "but right now we need to get to the anomaly!"


	3. One of those days

**One of those days  
**

Jess couldn't be more relieved when she shut the front door behind her. It seemed to be a miracle that she had survived all day.

Now there was just one thing she wanted to do – take a hot bath. She really needed to relax and try to forget all the day's happenings.

_Woke up to the sound of my alarm  
Half an hour late  
Fell out of bed, I put my t-shirt on  
It's got an orange stain  
I lost my keys, I lost my head  
I wish that I just stayed in bed  
I need a break, a sweet escape  
_

This morning Jess had woken up from the sound of her mobile. When she picked it up, Lester was on the line, "Is there any chance that you will find your way to the ARC TODAY? Make sure your first stop is at my office!" The last words he nearly screamed, and without waiting for an answer he hung up again.

The way to work was no fun either. With her car broken, Abby and Connor already at work, Jess had to take the tube. Halfway to the station, the weather god decided it was time for a cloudburst. Not having an umbrella with her, Jess was drenched within seconds.

One and a half hours after the start time of her shift, Jess arrived at Lester's office, dripping. It only took a glance to see HOW annoyed he really was. _  
_He gave her extra work, which had to be done by noon. Jess had no idea how she managed it, but the work was done in the given time.

_It's just one of the days  
One of those days you wanna crawl into a cave  
I wish it could be tomorrow or even yesterday  
Out of my way cause I think I might go insane  
It's just one of those days, one of those days _

When Jess wanted to leave for lunch with Abby, Lester called her back for even more – mostly unnecessary – work. "You didn't want to have a lunch break today, did you?" he asked when he handed her the papers, leaving Jess to shake her head no, her stomach growling.

Silently she wondered if Lester had gotten out of bed on the wrong side, she wasn't used to him being so upset with her.

_Tripping out the front door  
Traffic jam, now my cellphone's dead  
I had to say I'm sorry more than once  
Forgot lunch with my friends  
Missed a stop sign, my Starbucks line  
I only got pennies and I need a dime  
I saw my ex and met his girlfriends _

On her way home, Jess wanted to grab a hot 's when she found out that Adam, her ex-boyfriend, was now working in her favourite Café. This wasn't too bad. They even talked quite nicely until a girl dressed completely in pink made her way over to Adam. The girl looked like a cheap version of Barbie, she had tons of make-up and a dog, a Russkiy Toy, was sitting in a pink bag that hung on her arm. When he introduced them, 'Barbie' checked her out like only girls can do. As if that wasn't enough 'Barbie' turned around to Adam and kissed him so provocatively that Jess turned around to leave, while muttering, "Get a room!"

At that point of the day, Jess wanted just one thing: a vacation, preferably under the Caribbean sun with beautiful beaches all around, crystal clear water, palm trees and cocktails served in coconuts.

It's just one of the days  
One of those days you wanna crawl into a cave  
I wish it could be tomorrow or even yesterday  
Out of my way cause I think I might go insane  
Hey hey, it's just one of those days

Wish I could jump ahead in time  
Leave this drama far behind  
Let me out before I lose my mind  
Yeah, I just wanna get away  
Find myself a holiday  
I swear, I'm going crazy  
Back off, I'm about to break  
Don't know how much more I can take

Jess quickly ran herself a bath and while the water filled the tub, she searched for her I-Pod so she could plug it into the docking station while in the bath.

When Jess rummaged her bag for the missing player, she found a box that didn't belong to her. She pulled it out and the moment she saw the handwriting on the lid her heart skip a beat: it was Becker's.

"Survival package for one of those days"

Carefully Jess opened the box. On top of a bed of her favourite chocolate bars and sachets of various hot chocolate powders, lay a small card with a big smiley face on it.

Her hands were shaking slightly in excitement when she opened the card.

"Don't let days like this get the best of you"


	4. I won't back down

**A/N: This is one of the chapters I have re-written completely. And I am really curious how you all like it, so reviews are very welcome.  
**

**I won't back down**

Dressed in sweatpants and a black t-shirt Becker sat on his sofa, the television was turned on but his gaze was fixed on a non-existing point. He hadn't left his flat for the past week.

His life had literally come to a stop. Time passed without him noticing and Becker couldn't tell anymore what time of the day it actually was. He slept when he was tired and ate when he was hungry.

When the door bell rang, without him having ordered any food, Becker snapped out of his melancholy.

Not caring about his appearance he went to answer the door to James Lester.

The Head of the ARC eyed his employee up and down before he pushed past Becker into the flat. Keeping a straight face, Lester looked around the living room and kicked an empty coke can away. "So this is your flat? I'm impressed, Captain. I didn't know you were the messy-kind," Lester broke the silence.

Not pleased about the visitor, Becker was far from polite. "What do you want?"

James went to the window and pulled the curtains open. "I haven't seen you since we've been debriefed." He faced the soldier and stated, "You didn't attend the funeral."

A dark cloud passed over Becker's face, but Lester kept going unfazed, "And I received your notice of termination. Captain Becker, there is no way I can accept it. You are a member of the ARC and I'll make sure you stay one. We are allowed to continue the work of the ARC – in one way or another. I know they told you about that already when you were in the office but just to make it crystal clear: _I_ want you there and I won't stop bugging you until you agree."

With an annoyed expression, Becker sat back down and waited for more to come.

"I know the last weeks have been extremely hard for you, but we all lost Danny, Connor, Abby and Sarah." Becker closed his eyes at the mentioning of his friend's names. He had been in charge of the team; it had been his job to look after them. Yet he was the only one left of the core team, besides Lester.

"Okay, that's it." Lester raised his voice. He couldn't take the way the Captain had let himself go, and built himself up in front of the soldier. "You get dressed, right now. And then we are making a little trip."

Becker glared at his boss, but Lester held his gaze and stood his ground.  
"We are leaving in ten minutes. So you better get going."

Muttering incomprehensible words under his breath, Becker disappeared into his bathroom.

The drive went off in silence. Becker recognized the way right away and the closer they got to their final destination the more uneasy he became.

"Get out." Lester ordered. He left the car and Becker without waiting for the soldier.

With a growing lump in his throat, Becker eventually followed his boss. He passed the bank of graves slowly and read the inscriptions just to buy a little more time.

Eventually he came to a step beside Lester. Becker wasn't able to look at either his boss or at the grave.

Lester's voice was kept impartial when he began to speak. "I want you to tell her that you quit your job. Tell her that you gave up on Abby, Connor and Danny."

Becker's eyes sparkled with anger as he turned to his superior. He finally exploded and all the restrained feelings boiled over. "How dare you say I gave up on Abby, Connor and Danny? I would give my life to get those three back, all of them for that matter." He was shaking with rage. "People died on the rescue missions, it wasn't only Sarah. We lost ten people in the last few months, and all under my command. I failed; you can't be serious that you want to keep me as Head of Security. I failed; people went missing and died because I failed. I wasn't able to look after them, to save their lives."

When his outburst came to an end, Lester placed his hand on Becker's arm, before leaving the soldier alone.

An hour later Becker arrived back home, he entered the flat with the words Lester had bid his farewell with still sounding in his ears. "Sarah would want you to continue the work."

The following night was restless for Becker. He dreamed and relived the moments they prepared everything for Danny, Connor and Abby to go after Helen, saw the three of them stepping though the anomaly. He saw himself sitting at a table talking over the strategies for the rescue missions with Sarah and his men, saw them in the future fighting against the predators and he heard Sarah calling for him. He heard the fear in her voice, saw the panic in her eyes. Then everything went black. All pictures disappeared.

In the morning, Becker got out of bed and knew he couldn't continue his life the way he had done these past weeks.

He started to clean his flat. He opened all the windows, threw away the accumulated trash, did the dish washing and laundry. Once the work was done, he went for a jog. The fresh air helped to clear his head.

_Well I won't back down, no I won't back down  
You could stand me up at the gates of hell  
But I won't back down_

Becker knew that it wouldn't be easy, but he had to get on. And maybe Lester was right, maybe quitting his job wasn't smart. If he stayed at the ARC he could make sure that people would never again die. He could help to save the innocents. But he wouldn't decide that now; he would give himself time he needed.

_Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around  
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down  
Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down_

Two months later, Becker started his work at the new ARC. Lester had been true to his word and had called him more than once to tell him that he needed him back on the team. Eventually Becker had agreed, while focusing on the fact that this way he could make sure that nothing like that would ever happen again.

With a queasy feeling, Becker stood in the lift, waiting to arrive at the HUB.

The doors opened, he took a deep breath and stepped out of the elevator.

No, it wouldn't be easy, but he would make it.

_Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out  
Hey I will stand my ground  
And I won't back down_


	5. T'n'T

**TnT**

It was lunchtime at the ARC when Sarah and Abby made plans for the evening. "You know what would be a real blast? Going to a karaoke-bar!" Sarah suggested with twinkling eyes. "And we have to get the guys to come too. Just imagine Becker on stage."

Abby put on an expression as if she was deep in thought before she burst into a fit of laughter. "Sorry Sarah, that doesn't really work." Still giggling she turned to her friend. "Can you imagine Action Man doing karaoke?"

"No," Sarah said after a moment of thinking, "but maybe be comes as a stunner."

The door to the break room flew open and Connor caught the last words, he was closely followed by Danny and Becker, both men arguing about which gun is better. "Who comes as a stunner?" The computer expert wanted to know.

"Becker." Abby announced. The man in question looked up at the mention of his name and Sarah took the given opportunity to ask or, better yet, gently forced the three men into their night out, "Guys, we are going out tonight. All of us, no one will back out."

"On what are we agreeing when we say yes?" Danny grinned foolishly at Sarah.

"Karaoke-bar!" Abby and Sarah said in unison. The men groaned, but before anyone could veto Sarah stood up, "We are all going," she stepped closer to Becker and pointed her finger at the soldier. "_All _of us are going, Becker, don't even think about making up an excuse. We will find you and we will get you."

In the evening they all met at the bar. They found a small table on the left wall close to the little uplift that was being used as a stage.

Once they all took their seats and had their drinks, Sarah and Abby poured through the song list. The guys gladly took the chance to get into a deep conversation about the latest missions. None of them planned to really sing tonight.

When the presenter took the stage, none of the five paid much attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we now proudly present to you our next singer. For the newbies today, this man is a legend. When it comes to rock music, he's the one to pull it off! Please welcome Mr. Jay Lee."

The music to the AC/DC's classic 'TnT' began and none of the ARC team really paid attention to the man on stage whose hair was brushed back and gel was applied to keep it in form.

_See me ride out of the sunset  
On your colored TV screen  
Out for all that I can get  
If you know what I mean  
Women to the left of me  
Women to the right  
Ain't got no gun  
got no knife  
Don't you start no fight _

Connor recognized the voice, but wasn't able to put a face to it right away. He slowly raised his eyes from the black leather boots up to black trousers and to a black shirt which was only half-closed. When he finally took a look at the face, Connor frowned. This had to be a joke.

"Abby, look!" he nudged the blonde girl beside him pointing towards the stage, leaving Abby speechless when she recognized the man.

_Cos I'm  
T.N.T.  
I'm Dynamite  
T.N.T.  
And I'll win the fight  
T.N.T.  
I'm a power-load  
T.N.T.  
Watch me Explode_

"That guy is awesome!" Danny who was sitting with his back to the stage turned around to cheer for the singer, but he froze when he saw the face. "Tell me I'm dreaming!" Danny muttered and caused Sarah and Becker to look up at the same time.

_I'm dirty, mean and mighty unclean  
I'm a Wanted man  
Public Enemy Number One  
Understand  
So lock up your daughter  
And lock up your wife  
Lock up your back door  
And run for your life  
The man is back in town  
So don't you mess around _

The song came to an end and everyone in the bar cheered loudly for the singer. Just one table sat in total disbelief, not able to move at all.

The man on stage, who had just rocked the whole bar, was none other than James Lester.


	6. How Far

**A/N: I just recognized I missed some reviews on the 4th chapter (no idea what happened to the notification emails), but I never thanked you guys for reviewing it, so thanks a lot to FLUFF-N-UTTER-1 and Rubytronix.**

**This chapter is the first of two that go together. I hope you all enjoy it. **

**How far**

The moment that Jess entered the ARC on Monday morning she knew that the following few weeks would be hard. She would need a whole bunch of self-discipline to make her plan work.

Over the past weekend, Jess had done a lot of thinking about her work at the ARC and, mainly, about Becker.

Jess had come to the conclusion that it was time to move on. She had run after Becker for over a year, and nothing had happened. It wasn't that she thought he didn't have feelings for her, something was there, but obviously something stronger kept him from admitting those feelings.

Facing the truth was hard and painful; tears had been shed. Abby had tried to convince her that Becker needed just a little bit longer, but she could also understand that the field coordinator was sick of waiting for Becker so she promised to support the younger woman whose mind had been made up.

From now on, Jess was going to try and avoid him, in a friendly way. She couldn't be his friend yet; maybe once she got over him and found herself a boyfriend, maybe then it would be possible.

When she ran into Becker in the corridors, her heartbeat increased. She wished him a good morning, but after that she continued her way without a second glance.

_There's a boat, I could sail away  
There's the sky, I could catch a plane  
There's a train, there's the tracks  
I could leave and I could choose to not come back  
Oh never come back_

Jess made it through the morning without daydreaming about the Captain and she was really proud of herself. For now the plan was starting off just fine.

But when lunchtime came along, a great deal of self-control was demanded from Jess.

Becker asked her if she'd join him and Matt for a meal. To everyone's surprise, she declined with thanks. "Thanks, but no. I have a few more things to do before I can take a break. You don't need to wait for me," with that she turned back to the ADD.

Instead of working, Jess' thoughts drifted back to the day after the beetles' incursion. She had been on sick leave and, as the day passed by, all her ARC friends had come by to check on her.

Abby and Emily had told her how Becker had carried her through the facility, how worried he'd been about her and how he had cradled her in his arms.

All Jess could remember was the look Becker had given her when she had recovered consciousness, filled with warmth, affection and relief. And while she waited for Becker to come and visit her, hope had raised in her heart. Maybe Becker reciprocated her feelings after all.

But the soldier never came. He didn't even send her a text message

_There you are, giving up the fight  
Here I am begging you to try  
Talk to me, let me in  
But you just put your wall back up again  
Oh when's it gonna end_

With a cup of tea, Jess settled into her armchair after work. The brunette replayed the day in her mind. Avoiding Becker had been harder than she had imagined. Silently she wondered if he'd even noticed the change in her.

Suddenly an idea formed in her mind: maybe she should take a few days off. She could visit her best friend from school who now lived in Wales. That way she would put some daylight between herself and Becker.

_How far do I have to go to make you understand  
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are  
So I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say how far_

One evening, a few days later, Jess was busy packing her bags. Anticipation filled her more and more as the clothes wandered into her suitcase.

Suddenly Abby poked her nose into Jess' room. "You have a visitor," the blonde walked into the room and closed the door behind her. "It's Becker."

Jess frowned at the news and lost her voice. She sat down beside her bag and stared at her friend.

"I could tell him, that you don't have time?" Abby offered with a reassuring smile.

Jess took a deep breath, "No, maybe I should talk to him."

She followed Abby to the living room where Becker was pacing around.

"Hi," he stepped closer to Jess and Abby retreated.

_There's a chance I could change my mind  
But I won't, not till you decide  
What you want, what you need  
Do you even care if I stay or leave  
Oh, what's it gonna be_

"What is wrong with you lately, Jess? I have a feeling that you're avoiding me. Have I done something wrong?" Becker asked when they were alone.

"No." Jess sat down on the sofa and Becker followed her lead. "Yes," she added after a small pause.

The brunette bit on her lower lip. "No, you haven't done anything wrong." She blushed deeply, and Becker silently waited for her to continue.

"I need a break."

Becker wanted to interrupted her but she motioned him to remain quiet. If she stopped now, she wouldn't continue. "Everyone says it's obvious that we have feelings for each other, but I am sick of waiting for you to come clean." Sadness lingered in her voice. "I came by while you observed the house where Ethan was hiding. I helped you defuse the bomb. I was terrified when you got hurt by the Therocephalians. I was worried about you so many times, that I stopped counting.

"Then there was the incursion of the future beetles. Abby and Emily told me about your behavior and I saw that look on your face. I truly thought that maybe now we had a chance. But I was wrong, you didn't even come to visit me the day after."

The silence hung heavily in the air when Jess stopped.

"Becker, I can't keep waiting for you hoping that eventually you will stop fighting the battle in your mind. I can't keep on living like that. I will visit a friend from school for a few days. The time away will do me good."

Tears began to fall down her face.

_Out of this chair, or just across the room  
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon_

How far do I have to go to make you understand  
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are  
So I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say  
Yeah I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say how far

"Jess, I..."Becker didn't know how to phrase the thoughts running through his mind.


	7. You didn't know

**A/N: Time for a few thank-you's. Thank you to Chesja for beta reading, DrawnToDarkness for alleviating a lot of concerns I had when it came to this chapter and to everyone who's reading and reviewing. It means a lot. Thank you.  
**

**You didn't know**

Becker hadn't moved for the past five minutes. His eyes were fixated on his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. Only one thought was running through his mind; he was about to lose Jess. And he had no idea what to do.

She had just poured her heart out to him and what had he done so far? He had stuttered a few words and lost his voice after that. He had stared at her, searching for the right thing to say. He had wanted to express his feelings for her but had remained speechless.

Eventually Jess got up, "You find your own way out when you are done thinking, right?" A slight undertone of frustration vibrated in her voice. Becker met her eyes and the sadness he had seen in her eyes at the ARC these past few days had returned.

_I'm not much for talking  
But I really know I can say  
I've been round sleep walking  
But you woke me up today  
And there are things that I know  
I should remember  
But all I'm sure of is what you mean to me _

It had been a few days ago when he suddenly noticed the change in her. Her beaming smiles had disappeared and, in place of them, all he got now was a polite answer to his questions and only a flash of a smile crossing her face. He had watched her a few times when she was occupied with her work and sadness had radiated from her.

Today he couldn't take it any longer, so he had shown up, unannounced, at her flat. It had seemed like a good idea to talk, but now he wasn't so certain.

It was the first time Jess had voiced her feelings for him, and she'd addressed his feelings at the same time.

He did have feelings for her, deep feelings that scared him, if he was being honest.

Jess was right; he had never voiced them any form at all. He had kept those feelings locked away in his heart. Instead he had played with her, not on purpose, and whenever he had let her in too close, Becker had changed his behavior rapidly and pushed the young woman away again.

Her words had shaken him awake, if he didn't into gear now, he would lose Jess for good.

_You didn't know cause I didn't say  
I was afraid and walked away  
I've found a place to hide  
In the sanctuary of my pride  
You didn't know cause I didn't say _

The Head of Security followed Jess to her room. He knocked on the door softly, but didn't wait for an answer before he entered. Jess didn't look up from the top she was just folding together to place in her bag.

Becker closed the gap between them and took Jess' hands in his. The traces of tears were still visible on her face. Becker placed one hand on her chin when she didn't look up. He waited for her to look him in the eyes before he began to speak.

"Jess, I'm sorry I'm such an idiot at times. You mean so much to me that it scares me." His voice was low and slightly shaking. "When I returned to the ARC I wanted to keep my distance from the others. I didn't want to go through losing a friend again."

He gently stroked her cheek with his thumb and Jess leaned into his touch a little. Her movement caused a small smile to tug on the sides of Becker's lips, "But you found your way into my heart. Before I even realized it, you were an important part of my life. I can't change the things I've done in the past." He let out a breath and his hands dropped to either side of his body. He stepped back a little from Jess. "I didn't think about how my behaviour would affect you. It was selfish, and I am really sorry. Jessica, I don't want to lose you."

Becker felt exhausted after his speech.

"Thanks for telling me all that," Her voice was not louder than a whisper.

_I'm not much for begging  
But I'm begging you now to stay  
You better let me learn the lesson  
And show me the way  
I should've seen it its all so very clear now  
And all I wanted is standing here _

When Becker left the flat a little later, Abby blocked his way in the hallway. "You have to show Jess what she means to you. Your words alone aren't enough." The soldier was too worn out to argue about why Abby had obviously eavesdropped, so he only nodded.

Becker took Abby's words seriously.

_You didn't know cause I didn't say  
I was afraid and walked away  
I've found a place to hide  
In the sanctuary of my pride  
You didn't know cause I didn't say  
_

When Jess returned from Wales, Becker picked her up from the airport. Her favourite bar of chocolate was waiting for her in the car and a bunch of flowers, with a card, was sitting on the living room table in her flat.

Becker carried the bags into her flat while Jess was already reading the card. She didn't even take the time to remove her jacket. With a shy smile, Jess turned around to the soldier, "Yes."

Suddenly her smile changed into a smirk, "But don't mess with your second chance, Soldier Boy."

Becker pretended to be hurt, but couldn't hold back his laughter, "Jess, you are spending too much time with Connor!" The young woman only shrugged her shoulders and Becker was relieved that the awkwardness between them had eased off.

Jess offered him a cup of tea and he gladly accepted it. When she handed him the hot beverage, their fingers touched for a split second. "I'm glad you are back, I missed you," Becker said into the comfortable silence. Jess looked up at him, surprised, but turned her head away only seconds later when her face began to flush. Becker smiled at the reaction and leaned in a little more, "Would you like to go out with me?"

Jess head shot up, her eyes wide and a look of disbelief on her face, "Really?"

Becker couldn't blame her for the reaction, he had actually expected it. "Yes really. A real date, with me picking you up at your door, dinner, and maybe a movie afterward."

"Yes, I would love that."

_So please don't go  
You gotta be here and now  
I wanna be there to find the angle in your heart that conforms me  
Oh baby how can I make it up to you now  
Cause I feel its not to late to show I love you so  
I guess you didn't know cause I didn't say  
You didn't knows cause of me  
How I kept inside your the only thing in life  
_

Four days later, the day after the date, Becker arrived at the ARC later than usual. His first stop was to head to the hub. He paused at the stairs, watching as Jess talked to Connor about how they could improve the ADD.

Becker had picked a small Italian restaurant for their first date. The table had been in a quiet corner of the restaurant. It was decorated with a candle and a single white rose in a bud vase. The conversation came easy and he was surprised how natural it felt to be out with Jess. He had used the relaxed atmosphere to tell Jess again how much she meant to him while they waited for the dessert, and he had held her hand the same time to emphasize his words.

Instead of watching a movie, they'd decided that they'd prefer to take a walk along the Thames. It took him a while to push past his deadlocked behavior again, but eventually Becker had laid his arm around Jess' shoulders, who'd rewarded him with a diffident smile.

At the end of the night, Becker had brought her home. "I had a lovely night, Becker." Jess had said as she opened the door. "Thank you."

"Thank _you_." He'd stepped closer to her and reached out to place a flick of her hair, behind her ear, "For the evening and for the second chance." He'd slowly leaned in; the last thing he'd seen was how her eyes had flickered shut.

Their first kiss had been sweet and soft. It'd felt like the world had come to a full stop.

He could still feel her lips now on his as he listened to Connor and Jess' conversation. When Jess looked up, their eyes met. Uncertainty shone in her eyes and Becker knew she was wondering how he'd face her today. Quickly she averted her eyes and concentrated on Connor again.

Becker walked over to his teammates, he greeted Connor with a nod and placed a hand on the small of Jess' back and placed a kiss on her hair. From the corner of his eye he saw Connor's eyes grow wide.

_You didn't know cause I didn't say._


	8. What made you say that

**What Made You Say That**

Abby snapped out of her trance and quickly checked the surroundings. She was relieved to find that there were no raptors in sight. It was on her to keep watch, while Connor was fishing to supply them with food.

The blonde wasn't able to concentrate on her task today. Her thoughts constantly drifted back to Connor. She couldn't take her eyes off of him; the way his muscles tensed up under his well tanned skin seconds before he pushed the spear into the water, had become her favourite thing to look at.

They'd been stuck in the Cretaceous for awhile now and, without the modern life and its distractions millions of years away, Abby had brought herself more into line with the feelings she had for him.

She couldn't ignore his efforts to make each day as comfortable for her as possible.

He would leave her the last bite of fish. When she lay down for the night after him, he would move away so she could sleep on the warmer ground. When she woke up at night because of the cold, Connor would give her his blanket. And sometimes, when the blanket didn't help, he'd place an arm around her and pull her closer.

Abby knew that everyone at the ARC was aware of how much they meant to each other, and no one understood what was taking them so long to admit their feelings. Well, actually, they wondered what was taking _her_ so long.

A small smile played around her lips as Connor emerged out of the water, the spear in one hand, three fishes in the other and a broad smile on his face.

He had become 'her Connor', only he didn't know yet.

_Maybe tonight I'm gonna tell him how I feel...  
Maybe, I'll leave well enough alone...  
Maybe, just maybe, he'll want to be my baby…  
What if he's got plans of his own?_

They sat in front of the cave, that became their home during these past few months, when the sun began to set. Abby and Connor sat on the edge of a rock taking in the scenery in front of them, while they waited for the fish to be grilled. The fire was burning behind them, its heat warming their backs.

On evenings like this, when the sky was clear, the stars seen easily, the full moon up and no raptors around, Abby was able to forget about the dreadful things they had to face on a daily basis, for a few minutes.

Under a chill breeze Abby shivered beside Connor, who automatically placed his arm around her and pulled her closer. Abby turned to look at him and he smiled down at her like he had done so many times. In his eyes she could see all the love he had for her.

She cuddled into his side, "I love you."

_I'm waiting for the perfect moment,  
Lookin' for the perfect phrase.  
The one I finally choose is simply 'I love you',  
As the words came out, I heard a voice inside me say,_

For a split second, Abby was shocked by the words that had just left her lips and she hoped Connor hadn't heard her. But when he pulled her even closer and placed a small kiss in her hair, she suddenly felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. A smile grew on her face.

_What made you say that?  
Was it the moonlight; was it the starlight in your eyes?  
What made you say that?  
You've been listening to your heart  
It's too late now, you don't want to take it back  
'Cause I know love's what made you say that  
_

"Really?" She heard him whisper into her hair.

Abby turned to look at him, "Yes really, and I can repeat it if you want me to." She kept her voice low, Abby was too afraid to break the moment.

A small nod was all Connor answered, her words had taken his voice away.

He always dreamed to hear those words from her.

She whispered, "Connor, I love you."

Then she gently kissed him. When she backed away he had a funny expression in his eyes and Abby could tell there was something coming up.

"You know, it really took you a long time to figure that out.

I got worried you'd never say it." He smirked at her but pulled her again closer to him.

_I look up to see his reaction  
And a smile slowly spread across his face  
He said, "What took you so long?  
That's what I've been waitin' on  
I thought you'd take forever and a day"_

They sat like that for awhile in total silence.

"Any special reason you said it today?" Connor wondered.

"Connor, are you really trying to analyse why I said I love you?" She moved away from him so she could see his face again. "I will take it back if you don't stop it!" she threatened him with a twinkle in her eyes.

_What made you say that?  
Was it the moonlight, was it the starlight in your eyes?  
What made you say that?  
You've been listening to your heart  
It's too late now, I won't let you take it back  
'Cause I know love's what made you say that_

Connor glared at her and started laughing.

"No way, I won't let you take it back. You love me. This is the best thing I have heard in years. I love you too."


	9. Feels like home

**"Feels Like Home"**

Over a week had past since the future beetles had spread throughout the ARC.

Things were slowly returning back to normal for everyone. Becker was surprised to see that Jess had recovered faster from the shock than he had expected. He had watched her carefully, but she was her usual bubbly self. He had even heard her joking with Abby and Emily over the whole incident.

Becker, on the other hand, had a lot of trouble forgetting the happenings of this fateful day.

Whenever he closed his eyes, Jess appeared in front of his mind.

But this wasn't the carefree Jess, who blushed so adorably when she noticed that she was rambling away; it was the pale, weak Jess who needed adrenalin to save her life.

It took him hours of tossing and turning to finally fall asleep each night, only to be caught in

a nightmare.

He found himself racing through the ARC with Jess in his arms. It didn't matter how fast he ran, he never got forward. An invisible force was keeping him from moving.

Each night Becker felt Jess' warm body turning cold, he saw how her breath weakened and had to watch how the last bit of life left her body.

There was nothing he could do to help her.

Every night at this moment he would wake up, shivering, with tears in his eyes.

The nights were leaving traces on him. Becker couldn't concentrate for long and he started to snap at people for no apparent reason.

One afternoon he found himself alone in the staffroom. The sofa looked appealing and he decided that taking a few minutes break while resting his eyes couldn't hurt.

Jess entered the staffroom an hour later and found the soldier asleep. For a moment she just stood there and studied him. His brow was furrowed, his eyes moved under his eyelids, and he constantly mumbled something that Jess wasn't able to understand.

To her, it didn't seem to be a peaceful sleep; Becker looked rather stressed. Jess walked over and bent down a little. "Becker," her voice, soft and warm, reached his brain through the clouds of the nightmare.

His eyes fluttered open and met hers. Caught off guard, emotions came rolling over him.

_Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself  
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms  
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast  
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life_

Jess was alive. No matter what happened in his dreams, the young woman was alive. He had been able to help her; he had gotten the adrenaline before it was too late.

Becker wasn't able to break eye contact as he let his thoughts drift. He had cut so many people out of his life, especially after Sarah's death. He had preferred to be alone, but now that he had been so close to losing Jess, it had hit him hard. The idea of a life without Jess was something Becker didn't want to imagine.

_If you knew how lonely my life has been  
And how long I've been so alone  
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along  
And change my life the way you've done_

The sound of Jess' voice in his ear made every mission easier. When the team returned to the ARC, he couldn't wait to see her smile. He had caught himself getting lost in her depths of her eyes a few times.

The idea of losing all this brought him a new awareness. He wanted to be part of her life, wanted her to be part of his.

_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from  
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong_

Becker closed his eyes again, trying to compose himself. Suddenly he felt Jess' hand on his arm. "Are you okay?" her voice, barely a whisper, was music to his ears. Her warm touch sent chills down his spine. He opened his eyes again to find hers covered with worries.

_A window breaks, down a long, dark street  
And a siren wails in the night  
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me  
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light_

"Yes, I'm fine, because you are here with me."

Her eyes widened in shock at what she'd just heard. For a moment Becker saw the uncertain look in her eyes, as if she was waiting for him to take it back. When he remained silent, a small smile started to play around her lips.

_Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me  
And how long I've waited for your touch  
And if you knew how happy you are making me  
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much_

He sat up slowly, and captured her small hands with his. "I was so scared I would lose you."

The words came out slowly and quietly, but he managed to say them. Before he gave it a second thought, Becker leaned in closer to her, and when his lips touched hers, he knew it was the best decision he had made in a long time.

The kiss was sweet and short and yet, to him, it felt like coming home.

_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me__  
_


	10. Kiss the girl

It was a grey day, the clouds hung deep and rain seemed only a few minutes away. To Matt, the weather expressed his mood perfectly. He sat alone in the SUV not able to start it yet. His hands on the steering wheel, grabbing it so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He let his head fall onto his arms.

Emily was gone, gone through the anomaly back to her time, away from him. He was left alone, a state he should be very familiar with, but he had grown used to having Emily around. Being alone suddenly felt wrong.

She had told him she would stay if he'd asked her too, but he hadn't. He wondered what would have happened if he had asked. Now he would never be able to answer this question.

Images of their last day off together appeared in his mind.

Matt had taken Emily to Brighton earlier in the week. He'd wanted to do something special with her; he'd wanted her to see more than just London and to give them both some time outside the ARC.

They had taken the train to the seaside town, sharing a railway compartment for six with a woman and her son. Matt smiled at the thought of how mesmerized Emily had been by the four-year-old boy and his light blond hair. He had had a bubbly personality and had started chattering away with Emily before the train had even left Victoria Station.

Emily learned quickly that Aaron's ultimate must-see in Brighton was the Sea-Life Centre because of his recent favourite movie character: Sebastian from The Little Mermaid.

While Emily was caught up in a deep conversation with Aaron, Matt found himself studying the Victorian beauty opposite from him. Her brown curly hair was falling loose over her shoulders and her chocolate-brown eyes kept dancing in delight as she listened to Aaron's stories. She'd been wearing a dark denim skirt and a red top covered with a black cardigan. Her features had been totally relaxed, her laughter filling the compartment, as Aaron started to sing his favourite tune from The Little Mermaid.

For a moment Matt snapped out of his daze and the words of the song sank in.

_There you see her  
Sitting there across the way  
She don't got a lot to say  
But there's something about her  
And you don't know why  
But you're dying to try  
You wanna kiss the girl _

And while rain drops started to fall, Matt kept recalling the events of that day, hearing Aaron's voice singing in the back of his mind.

They strolled through the Lanes first. Emily had walked from shop to shop, amazed by all the little trifles that could be bought. They stopped at a little café for a cup of tea and some scones.

Eventually they had found their way down to the seaside.

While Emily took in the scenery in front of her, the burnt down West Pier, the modern Brighton Pier with its amusements, rides and restaurants and most importantly the ocean, Matt found himself studying her once more.

Now, away from everyone at work, he couldn't keep his eyes off her, knowing there wouldn't be a Connor to tease him about it later.

The day was windy and rather cloudy; Matt would have had preferred a warm and sunny day but, to his surprise, the woman from the past was riveted by all the little things that the weather caused: the waves breaking at the shore, the dark clouds in the air, and the feel of wind in her hair.

While Emily was enjoying the view, Matt was caught up in her beauty wondering what it would be like to kiss her and if her lips were as soft as they looked. But he knew that once he gave in to this feeling, she would become a distraction to him: the distraction his dad has always warned him about.

_Yes, you want her  
Look at her, you know you do  
It's possible she wants you, too  
There is one way to ask her  
It don't take a word  
Not a single word  
Go on and kiss the girl _

Their day in Brighton passed quickly and, while Emily enjoyed it, Matt found himself having more and more trouble putting his feelings for her aside.

They called it a day after a nice dinner at a small Italian restaurant back in London. Matt had walked her back to her room at the ARC.

And just outside that uncomfortable and spartan room came the so-called perfect moment. They had stood only inches apart, neither of them able to break eye contact. Matt knew that if he wanted to kiss her it was now or never, but before the silence could turn into an awkward one, Emily broke it,

"Thanks for a lovely day. Have a good night, Matt." She'd smiled at him one last time before shutting the door.

_Sing with me now  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
My, oh, my  
Look at the boy too shy  
He ain't gonna kiss the girl  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Ain't that sad  
Ain't it shame, too bad  
You gonna miss the girl _

Matt took a deep breath, straightened up, and pushed his memories away. He started the engine to drive back to the ARC, the image of Emily going through the anomaly burnt into his heart. He had missed his opportunity to kiss her.


	11. What are you waiting for

What are you waiting for

Jess stood in the hub stone still; her eyes were fixed on the ground. She felt the presence of her friends around her, but she couldn't bring herself to meet their eyes. The numb feeling she had first felt the day before had spread over her whole body.

"It was a pleasure to have you on the team, Captain Becker!"

"We wish you all the best in Canada and we hope to see you back here some day!"

Jess had heard rumours about some members from the British ARC being send over to Canada to support the newly formed Anomaly Research Team, but what she had least expected was that Becker would be one of them.

Only a day ago, Becker had turned up on her doorstep. The moment that Jess had opened the door, she'd known that he didn't have good news. She'd invited the Captain in, but he'd refused the offered tea and when he'd sat down on the couch he'd sat far on the edge.

Jess knew she would never forget the sight of him when he announced the reason for his visit. Becker had bowed his head, his gaze fixed on his hands. He had swallowed hard when he finally met Jess' eyes; a mixture of unease, sadness and discomfort reflected in the soldier's eyes.

His words had burnt into her mind.

"Jess, I am one of the members being sent to Canada."

The young woman was too shocked to react in any way. She had stared at the man, wondering if it was all a nightmare, wishing she would wake up soon.

Eventually Jess averted her eyes from the ground, she moved closer to the team, catching Becker's glance as she moved to stand beside Abby. The blonde woman laid her hand on the younger girl's shoulder in comfort.

_Standing here  
in our final hour  
I can't believe this is the end  
Now I wish that I had the power  
to start this all over again  
Cause I know that I'm gonna miss  
you when you're gone  
and not had to leave it this way_

_So just make a move  
You've got nothing to lose  
No_

_Here I am  
Take a chance  
What are you waiting for?  
Telling you as a friend  
We could be so much more  
I never thought anyone ever  
could make me feel this way  
so make my day  
What are you waiting for?_

As she watched Becker and listened to Lester's farewell speech, the reality began to sink in.

She had always worried about a life without Becker. Sure she had never really had him in her life, but at least she saw him everyday. At times he'd provided her with chocolate and listened to her endless rambling. Each time he did this, he tilted his head a little and raised one eyebrow when her chatting got too far out of line. Or he'd give her his charming grin.

Jess couldn't turn her eyes away from Becker's gaze. Everything around her went into a blur; it was only him and her.

Silently she blamed herself for waiting too long. She regretted that she kept dancing around him instead of making a move and admitting her feelings for him. Sure she'd been told by everyone else how obvious it was that she had feelings for him, but the one person who needed to know, seemed not to.

The spell, even if it was a sad one, was broken as Lester finished his talking. He shook Becker's hand and headed away back into his office, leaving the team alone.

As they one by one stepped forward to say their goodbyes to Becker, Jess let her imagination run free. She imagined them spending their last evening together: going out for dinner, watching a movie at her flat. Jess would curl up beside him, hoping he'd finally admit his feelings for her. There was nothing for him to lose now. Sure, he'd be gone tomorrow and it would be painful, but at least they would have one night together. A night Jess would treasure forever.

_Without you it's going to be lonely  
So let's make the most of tonight  
Did I ever say you were the only  
one who could make it alright  
Now I don't know when I'm going  
to see you again  
Can't you take my mind off the pain?_

_So just make a move  
You've got nothing to lose  
No_

"Jess?" Becker's voice brought her back to reality. The field coordinator blinked a few times to get her thoughts together. The rest of the team had left, she noticed, giving them some time alone.

"Why don't we spend your last evening together?" Jess voice was controlled and strong, which surprised her; she didn't even blush. It was here and now, they would never have another chance, at least not for a long time. She had said it, now it was all up to him.

_Here I am  
Take a chance  
What are you waiting for?  
Telling you as a friend  
We could be so much more  
I never thought anyone ever  
could make me feel this way  
so make my day_

_Don't make me feel stupid  
Don't say I was wrong  
Building this up  
in my mind for so long  
Now my time's running up  
So you've got to be strong  
If you want to make this right,  
break the ice  
Don't think twice  
Take me away_

"Jessica," Becker's voice broke, and while Jess held onto his gaze, the soldier looked away. In her head, she already heard his words, his calm voice, as he tried his best to let her down gently.

Instead he whispered, "I know. I am sorry, I messed it up."

The head of security took her into his arms, holding onto her as if she could save his life. They stood like this for a little eternity until Becker broke away. "Goodbye, Jess!" He kissed her forehead lightly, turned away, and walked out of the hub, out of the ARC and out of Jess' life.

Even while Jess watched the soldier leave, tears didn't come. It wasn't until Abby appeared out of nowhere, silently pulling the younger girl into her arms, that uncontrolled sobbing echoed through the ARC.

The tears Becker shed weren't seen or heard by anyone.


	12. The Story

A/N: I was searching for what seemed forever to find a song that would work with my idea for a follow-up to "What are you waiting for", but I had no such luck. Not until Mijo54 told me about the song "The Story", so without her this chapter wouldn't exist.

Thanks a lot and just like the first version, this one is for you.

Becker was staring at the blank page before him, fumbling desperately with the pen in his hand. The words didn't come, just like so many times before. He closed his eyes for a short moment, took a deep breath, and started writing again,

Dear Jess,

How are you? I'm fine!  
Vancouver is a really great city!

As Becker stood up he threw the pen on the table, angry with himself. "Pah! what do I know about Vancouver?" The soldier started pacing through the room, not paying attention to the crumpled papers on the floor, which were all unfinished letters to Jess. "I haven't even seen much more than the airport, the Canadian ARC and the spots where anomalies appeared, and then I was too busy helping the team to take a look around."

Becker was frustrated. He had tried for hours to find the right words to write to Jess: the girl who had become his own personal ghost since he'd arrived in Canada. She was the one who had caused him to confront his own feelings, even though she was miles away.

For the first two weeks he had told himself he missed the whole team because he was so used to working with them. But as the days passed by, he had to admit that he missed Jess the most.

She was the one person who had worked her way into his heart without much effort through her endless ramblings and her adorable blushing when he teased her. And most importantly, she knew when he needed his space, but was there to assure him he had done everything in his might to save people's lives when someone died during a mission, be it a team member or a civilian who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

_All of these lines across my face  
Tell you the story of who I am  
So many stories of where I've been  
And how I got to where I am  
But these stories don't mean anything  
When you've got no one to tell them to  
It's true...I was made for you_

It had been Jess who he'd first been able to talk to about the loss of Abby, Connor, Danny and Sarah. He'd felt safe to give her a sneak peek into his feelings, even if he didn't see it that way back then.

He simply missed Jess.

Becker collapsed onto his bed and pulled the pillow over his face. He screamed. Why, when all those thoughts were finally so clear in his mind, was he unable to tell Jess about it? Words simply weren't his cup of tea; he was more of a man of action. Becker needed a really good idea, and he needed it quickly.

He had lain awake all night long; most of his ideas didn't seem to be an adequate way to tell Jess what she meant to him. All his trains of thoughts ended with the fact that he should tell her in person.

Only two days later Becker sat in an airplane that was traveling toward London. For the first time ever he was breaking some of his own rules: never leave a job unfinished, and never lie to your boss.

The morning after his poor attempt to write Jess a letter, he had told his boss he had to leave Canada because of family matters.

This time he was going to trust his feelings. He was pushing away all his worries and he wasn't contemplating the pros and cons. He had no plan B and wasn't sure what awaited him in Great Britain.

_I climbed across the mountain tops  
Swam all across the ocean blue  
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules  
But baby I broke them all for you  
Because even when I was flat broke  
You made me feel like a million bucks  
You do  
I was made for you_

Regardless, he was on a high the entire flight from Vancouver and during the drive to the London ARC.

Becker walked through the well-known corridors with a smart pace, hoping that Jess wouldn't get a glimpse of him on the CCTV. The Captain passed his colleagues, not taking the time to greet any of them. Abby held Connor back with a knowing smirk when Becker met them in the hallway.

He entered the hub, took a deep breath, and closed the distance between himself and the ADD, pulling Jess out of her chair.

Before the girl had a chance to realize what was happening, she found herself locked in Becker's embrace and felt his lips gently pressing down onto hers.

He smiled under the touch.

"I should have done that ages ago," he whispered as he pulled away a little, leaning his forehead against hers.

_You see the smile that's on my mouth  
It's hiding the words that don't come out  
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed  
They don't know my head is a mess  
No, they don't know who I really am  
And they don't know what  
I've been through like you do  
And I was made for you..._


	13. The way you look tonight

The way you look tonight

"_I'll pick you up in ten. Formal wear. Sarah"_

Danny groaned as he changed into his tux. He wasn't in the mood for a night out; he actually had other plans, plans that didn't include seeing anyone. Just like every year on that special day.

It had been 15 years to the day that Patrick had disappeared. While people say that time is a great healer, for his brother Danny, things had been rough ever since. He couldn't stop blaming himself for not being there on the fateful day to save his brother. Every year when the day of Patrick's disappearance came closer, Danny got even more restless than he was the rest of the year.

Danny arranged his bowtie and grimaced into the mirror. If anyone else would have sent him the text message, he'd have simply ignored it. But it was Sarah, and he had found himself unable to say no to her, even though he didn't have any idea where they were going.

He enjoyed her company, in and out of the ARC. Her calm and balanced character mixed with the love of adventure was something that Danny loved about her. He felt completely at ease around the Egyptologist.

A few minutes later, Danny answered the door and he was awed by her appearance. Sarah was wearing a dark red silky dress which complimented her figure and a black scarf across her shoulders. She wore simple black heels which took Danny's breath away. She also had pinned her hair into an up-do and a few wisps were framing her face. Sarah had applied a bit of makeup and golden earrings to complete the outfit.

"Ready?" she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

Danny nodded. "You look stunning," he complimented her, as they linked arms.

_Some day, when I'm awfully low,  
When the world is cold,  
I will feel a glow just thinking of you  
And the way you look tonight._

When they got into the car, Sarah finally revealed that she had been invited to a reception by the sponsors of the British Museum. She admitted that she didn't want to go alone, because she was sure to be bored within seconds.

Danny should have known that Sarah wouldn't pick him up for dinner in a tux, but a reception was not what he had expected. He voiced his concern, "Sarah, I doubt that this is the perfect day to drag me to an official reception."

The brunette woman grinned at him. "Trust me; it's the perfect day. You can't keep on hiding away once a year." 

Danny's eyebrows furrowed, "How did you know?"

With a soft smile Sarah turned to him, "I did some research."

_Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm  
And your cheeks so soft,  
There is nothing for me but to love you,  
And the way you look tonight._

"How are you doing today?" Sarah asked eventually, as Danny steered the car through the traffic.

"It could be better, but it was much harder in previous years." Sarah softly touched his hand that was holding onto the shifter. "You made it a lot easier," the former officer continued with a gentle smile.

"Danny, maybe you are right. If Patrick really went through the anomaly back then, I'm sure you'll see him again!" Danny only nodded, touched by the fact that she actually took him serious. Sure everyone who worked at the ARC did when it came to Patrick, but it was special to Danny when Sarah said such things.

The rest of the drive they talked about lighter subjects. Sarah told him about the curse of the sun cage she had made up for Connor and Danny told her his story about arresting the computer geek. While listening to his words, Sarah couldn't help but to giggle along. She found the image of Connor in jail simply hilarious and, even though she had heard it before from Connor, she found Danny's version much more entertaining.

"Do you know that your nose wrinkles adorably when you laugh?" Danny suddenly changed the subject.

"No, but thanks!"

_With each word your tenderness grows,  
Tearing my fear apart  
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,  
It touches my foolish heart._

A short while later they arrived at the location, and always being the gentleman, Danny rushed around the car and opened the door for Sarah who linked arms with him in an instant.

To Sarah's relief, the reception wasn't quite as bad as the ones she had attended before. The location was an old ballroom with huge ceilings and chandeliers. There were bar tables put up on the side of the room right beside a bar. In one corner Sarah even spotted a small dance floor, and obviously Danny had followed her gaze and led her over. They danced to various up-tempo songs. Just before they wanted to leave, the music changed to a slow song. Danny pulled Sarah closer to him and guided her across the dance floor; she simply enjoyed the feeling of being close to him.

_They walked to the  
Lovely, never, ever change.  
Keep that breathless charm.  
Won't you please arrange it ?  
Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight._

"Thanks for a wonderful evening!" Danny said as he walked her back to her flat.

"Thank _you_ for joining me!"

"Anytime, it was a pleasure." The two stopped in front of Sarah's door and Danny leaned forward and kissed her cheek softly before he bid his farewell.

At his car, Danny stopped again and caught Sarah's eyes, "Oh and Sare, please don't ever change!"


	14. That's who I am

**That's who I am**

Jess was just offering that Abby and Connor could stay at her flat until they found a place their own, when Lester exited his office.

"I suppose this is what you think of not getting into trouble," his voice cut through the hub, causing all chatter to die down. Instantly all eyes were on the head of the ARC.

Jess saw the look that Abby and Connor shared before the latter started to walk towards Lester, explaining his actions of the day, and making it clear that he'd do it all the same way again. Jess was impressed with how Connor stood his ground. Silence spread over the hub when Connor was done speaking, all team members waiting expectantly for their boss' reaction.

"Since you put it like that, you're back on the team." With no more words, Lester turned around to return to his office, warding off Connor's attempt to get a pay rise by telling him not to push his luck half way. And even though there was no stirring on Lester's face, Jess was sure he was smiling on the inside, not letting it out due to his reputation.

With a bright smile, Jess sat down on the chair and turned her attention back to the ADD. A content feeling washed over her. It wasn't just the fact that Abby and Connor were back home, safe and sound, or the fact that Becker had called her brilliant or that he had brought her the chocolate she had asked Matt for, even though that made her day a whole lot brighter, but suddenly everything fell into place. Jess finally had the feeling she'd hit home.

When Jess was eight years old, she had had to write an essay in school about what she wanted to be when she grew up. While most of the kids in her class settled for goals like becoming a policeman, a fireman, a teacher or a vet, the task unleashed something in little Jessica. She thought long about her future life before she sat down to write. Jessica put her heart into the work and was pleased with the result.

She was honest in that essay; Jess didn't have any idea what she wanted to become eventually, but she knew she wanted to work with computers, and that she also she wanted people to be a part of the job as well. And little Jessica didn't want an everyday-job: she closed her writing assignment by saying that she wanted to do her best at her future job, maybe even _be_ the best at said job.

All the worse was the shock when the teacher gave her back the essay with a big red "F" on it. When Jess asked her, with a beating heart, why she'd received an "F", all the teacher answered was that, "It's not possible. You dream too big, Jessica."

Later that day, when all of her tears were dried and Jess' parents had read the essay, the family cuddled together on the sofa. And the words her father said that night were the ones that shaped the little girl, the words that let her believe and trust in herself.

"You can do anything you want to. It might not be an easy road, but Jess, if you believe in you, you can achieve all you aim for. And Jessica, we will always be here to support you."

_I'm lookin' at all these faces  
I'm dreamin' of going places  
They say I should just give up  
No, No, No_

They say that I am crazy  
I say, you're just too lazy  
Get up and do something new  
Oh, Oh, Oh

Life ain't gonna come knocking at your door,  
You've got to make something happen, you've got to do something more

After skipping a few grades, Jess started university at the age of sixteen with her dream job before her eyes. Jessica wanted to become a field-coordinator. She attended classes in communication skills, in complex programming and project management.

A lot of other students in her classes didn't give two hoots about her, and Jessica was sure that a few didn't even know she existed. There were enough people who talked behind her back, about the intelligent young girl, and some even openly offended her, but Jess had also friends who sided with her and supported her.

Jess knew she was on her way, and she was proud of herself.

_I'm spreading my wings, to fly  
Looking for my place, in the sky  
They say that I want to much  
No, No, No_

They think I'm just a child  
Keep hatin' on my style  
Get up and do something true  
Oh, Oh, Oh

Life ain't gonna come knocking at your door,  
You've got to make it happen, you've got to do something more

That's who I am

During her semester-breaks, Jess had made sure to work for different companies to gain work experience. A lot of those firms had showed interest in recruiting her after the graduation, but it was an employment ad that caught Jess' eyes a few months before she finished university that really aroused her interest, especially the given chance to work for the government.

"**Field-coordinator needed **

Good organizational and coordinating skills required in high up government agency, apply at the prime minister's office... more detail available upon gaining an interview"

Despite the lack of actual information about the agency, Jess sent in her application form.

_I don't wanna cry myself to sleep anymore  
I don't wanna say my prayers at night and wonder what it's all for  
I wanna hold my head up high  
As I take a stand  
Oh I wanna have a plan  
Cause That's who I am!_

A few days later, Jess received a phone call; she was invited to an interview. She easily passed round after round and found herself on the short list only a few weeks after she had sent in her application.

The closer she got to get the job, the more was revealed about the actual job description, and the more Jess found out, the surer she was that she wanted that job above all others. It wasn't until she sat in a small grey office, when she was shown footage of a stegosaurus in the members area at the house of commons, that she realized how volatile and classified the work really was.

Doubts crept into her mind. Was she really sure she wanted to do such a job? On the other hand, now that she had seen all this evidence, could she simply walk away and forget about it? After all, this was the one chance she had worked for all her life. The brunette was assured that she wouldn't come into contact with the creatures and the doubts faded away.

And when the young woman got asked what she thought the reason was, why she got so far in the selection process, Jess realized that this was the job she had always dreamed of. Here she could do her best, and she understood that she wouldn't have made it this far, if the superiors doubted her qualifications.

Jessica straightened her shoulders and smiled confidently, "Because I'm the best team coordinator you're gonna find."

_Not gonna give up, that's who am  
Not gonna give up, oh if I can  
Not gonna give up, that's my plan  
Not gonna give up, that's who I am  
_


	15. I Won't Give Up

**A/N: This is the first chapter of three that go together. And I hope you all enjoy it. **

**I Won't Give Up**

Connor walked through the dark streets of London and thought about the happenings of the day.

He closed his eyes for a moment, exhausted. So much had happened that afternoon that it felt like it couldn't possibly have been only a few hours ago that he and Abby had been arguing about Caroline. Since then, he'd thought he'd lost her, thought she'd died, and then gone from a state of grief to a state of ecstasy when he'd learned she was still alive, only to lose her again through an anomaly, find her a second time, and be sure he was going to witness her death for real.

And then he had actually told Abby that he loved her, but at this very moment, alone, that was secondary to him. It was her eyes that haunted him.

The silence had been so intense when they returned home, that just the plain thought of it still sent shivers down his spine.

He couldn't erase the picture of how Abby had stared up at him with mascara smeared under her eyes. He heard the carefully chosen words she had used, over and over again. Her wording giving her the chance to 'admit' she misunderstood, giving him the chance to deny.

He had seen hope in her eyes, had heard the unspoken plea to repeat the words again.

And he had felt the electricity shooting through his veins when they got lost in each other's eyes.

He had formed the words of confession in his mind when the front door had fallen shut and Caroline called out for him, breaking the moment between him and Abby.

Connor had seen the despair in Abby's eyes before she turned her head. And yet all he could think of was how beautiful her eyes were.

_When I look into your eyes  
It's like watching the night sky  
Or a beautiful sunrise  
Well, there's so much they hold  
And just like them old stars  
I see that you've come so far  
To be right where you are  
How old is your soul?  
_  
_Well, I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up_

Connor had left Caroline at the theater, telling her he didn't feel well, that work had exhausted him, and that he'd only ruin her evening with his bad mood.

The truth was that, to Connor, it didn't feel right to be with Caroline; he wanted to be with Abby. He wanted to hold her, reassure her that nothing would happen to her, that she was safe now, and that she didn't have to worry about the mers. Also he wanted to tell her how worried he was about her, how he had cried his heart out, and most of all he wanted to tell her that he meant what he said: that he loved her.

But knowing Abby, the way Connor did, he assumed that this was a bad idea. He thought she'd rather be alone to digest the happenings of the day.

With her voice echoing in his mind, begging him to let go of her hand, Connor chose the longer way home.

_And when you're needing your space  
To do some navigating  
I'll be here patiently waiting  
To see what you find_

_'Cause even the stars they burn  
Some even fall to the earth  
We've got a lot to learn  
God knows we're worth it  
No, I won't give up  
_

Two hours later, Connor arrived home. The flat was brightly lit and the TV was turned on.

Abby was lying on the couch, holding a scatter cushion to her chest. Her eyes were closed but Connor could see movement behind the lids. She looked unsettled.

He took the blanket from the back-rest and spread it over her sleeping form. With a smile he noted that Abby was wearing the jumper he had left on the armchair in the morning. For a moment he was tempted to place a small kiss in her hair, but he refrained.

Quietly he switched off the TV and all the lights, leaving on only the small lamp in the hallway. He then got himself a blanket and settled in the armchair, just in case she would wake up from a nightmare, in case she wanted him to be near her.

_I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily  
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make (….)  
_  
_I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up, still looking up._


	16. Please Don't Leave Me

Please don't leave me

Abby had no idea how long she stood in the middle of the flat after Connor and Caroline had left, frozen. The sound of Caroline's annoying voice had long turned into a painful silence which slowly crept under Abby's skin. The blonde shuddered and tightened her grip around herself.

Alarmed, Rex soared from his spot on the joist just beneath the ceiling when Abby erupted. She spurted to her punch bag and started to hit and kick it, almost in a delirium. Hot thick tears began to roll down her cheeks.

_I don't know if I can yell any louder  
How many time I've kicked you outta here?  
Or said something insulting?_

I can be so mean when I wanna be  
I am capable of really anything  
I can cut you into pieces  
But my heart is broken

_Please don't leave me  
Please don't leave me  
I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this  
Please, don't leave me_

How did I become so obnoxious?  
What is it with you that makes me act like this?  
I've never been this nasty

Abby was angry with herself and let out all her frustration on the punching bag.

She couldn't believe that she'd allowed herself to hope that Connor would repeat the words he had said on the other side of the anomaly, that she wished he'd say them again.

After all, she had pushed him away so many times, had told him more than once that they were only pals. Whenever he made a move, she backed away and brought more space between them again. When he complimented her, Abby refused to accept it.

And now all she wanted was him by her side, promising her that he'd never leave her alone.

_Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?  
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest  
But baby I don't mean it  
I mean it, I promise_

Please don't leave me  
Oh please don't leave me  
I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this  
Please, don't leave me

And today, when Lucien had referred Connor as her boyfriend she had denied it. Sure, she'd only spoken the truth, but what if she had kept quite for once, what if she'd searched Connor's eyes instead? Maybe, if she had, he would be here with her, holding her, telling her it would be okay. Instead Connor was out with Caroline, Cruella De Vil.

"Maybe, if," Abby muttered under her breath, before she squalled, letting out the last bit of energy left inside.

_I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me  
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag _  
_And I need you, I'm sorry  
_  
Abby trudged to the sofa. Her gaze landed on a jumper that Connor had left on the armchair. The blonde picked up the sweater and slipped into it. Wrapped in his scent, her nerves slowly calmed down. Suddenly Abby felt completely worn out and emotionally drained.

The silence was too loud for the blonde, so she turned on the TV. For a moment she was tempted to simply message Connor, to ask him to come home. Instead she curled up into a ball on the sofa and buried her nose in the soft fabric.

Eventually a restless sleep took over her, only one thought in her mind.

_Please, please don't leave me_


	17. Comatose

Comatose

Connor opened his eyes drowsily he tried to figure where he was and what had woken him up. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the room. He was sitting in the armchair. Suddenly everything came back to him: his argument with Abby, losing her, the mers, the cliff, his words, Abby's eyes and the hope there, Caroline, the theater, his walk through the city.

"Please, don't go." Her words, only a whisper, caused his gaze to land on Abby's sleeping form. It was then that Connor realized what had woken him. Abby was tossing and turning on the sofa, talking in her sleep. Her expression was harassed.

Within seconds, Connor was at her side, early enough to stop her from falling off. He placed a hand on her arm to soothe her; with his free hand he stroked her forehead.

_I hate feeling like this  
I'm so tired of trying to fight this  
I'm asleep and all I dream of_

Is waking to you  
Tell me that you will listen  
Your touch is what I'm missing  
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you

Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

"Abby's fine," He spoke quietly. "You're home. 'S all good." Connor took her hand in his, caressing the back with his thumb. "Abs, I'm here, looking after you." Slowly her moving became less frequent. Connor continued his comforting words until Abby woke up.

The blonde blinked a few times as her eyes grew accustomed to the faint light. She couldn't believe her eyes when she was greeted by the one face she had wanted to see so desperately all evening. She muttered, "You _are_ here."

_I don't wanna live  
I don't wanna breathe  
'les I feel you next to me  
you take the pain I feel  
waking up to you never felt so real  
I don't wanna sleep  
I don't wanna dream  
'cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real_

I hate living without you  
Dead wrong to ever doubt you  
But my demons lay in waiting  
Tempting me away  
Oh how I adore you  
Oh how I thirst for you  
Oh how I need you

Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

A small smile tugged at the corners of Connor's lips. He stroked a strand of her hair from Abby's brow. "'Course I am. Wouldn't leave you, would I?"

"I was scared you would," the blonde admitted quietly, biting her lower lip shyly when the words were out.

Connor wasn't sure, but he got the impression that her eyes were filling up with tears. He had never seen Abby so emotional.

_Breathing life  
Waking up  
My eyes open up_

Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

Oh how I adore you  
Waking up to you never felt so real  
Oh how I thirst for you  
Waking up to you never felt so real  
Oh how I adore you, ohhhh  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real

He sat down on the edge of the sofa and took both her hands into his. He caught her eyes, making sure she'd pay attention to his words. He hoped she could see the truth behind them in his eyes. "Abby, I would never leave you. Am always there for you."

Abby shivered under his intense gaze. Connor misinterpreted her reaction as a sign of being cold and pulled her up gently. He sat down beside Abby, surrounding them both with the blanket and wrapping his arms around her.

Feeling comfortable in his arms, Abby leaned into Connor's touch. The fear of losing him washed over her again, the worry that she had pushed him away one too many times once again hit her full force. She took a deep breath; she could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. The young woman took her courage in both hands. "If I tell you something, would you listen until I'm done? Without interrupting?" She felt Connor nod slightly.

In the safety of the dim light, sure that they wouldn't be disturbed, Abby began to talk, keeping her voice low. "I'm sorry for how I treat you; you are so important to me. Still, I always push you away. I'm scared that if I let you come too close you'd leave me, just like all the people I cared for have done before."

She swallowed the growing lump in her throat. "I didn't want you to leave tonight. I wanted you to be there..." Abby trailed off and Connor tightened the grip around her in hope that it would be a sign of reassurance. She continued. "…to hold me, to tell me everything will be alright."

Silence filled the room. Abby waited for Connor's reaction while latter wasn't sure if the woman in his arms was done talking. Eventually he began, "Wanted to do that, thought you'd rather be alone though." Abby stiffened slightly, but Connor didn't let go. Instead he offered, "I could tell you now."

Abby couldn't help but to smile at his words. "That'd be nice."

Connor shifted slightly until they were both lying on the sofa, Abby protectively in his arms. He moved his head so his mouth was nearly touching her ear. "All's okay Abs. You're home and safe. And I'm here too." Connor repeated the words of comfort, nearly missing the question Abby whispered.

He placed a soft kiss on her ear. "I love you."


End file.
